The 7 Weeks Stranger

IMG_3187External beauty becomes trapped in the eyes of the majority but internal beauty stains the heart and every untouchable part of the wise. One of the main essences that sum up beautiful people is in the way they converse. The immaculateness and honesty in one’s words make their cultivated elegance even more magnetic. There is nothing more beautiful in friendly exchanges with people who are perfect in their imperfections. The type of “good old friends” relations that almost feel like you were destined to meet.  A grandmother used to always say “It’s not what you say but how you say it” which holds much truth.

In random conversations, it is incredible how much you can learn about people who are raw, unapologetic and comfortably themselves. It is in those conversations you gain most because these people do not calculate what is being said to try to impress anyone.

“It’s honestly normal, just give it time. I can already tell that you were a completely different person when you started here, just from the bits and pieces you have told me and from how you said you would have reacted in the past, what’s happened and how I know you would react now….You are an extremely strong person. You are amazing. You really are, but that doesn’t mean you always have to be on the go. As in, it doesn’t always mean that you have to feel like you have to push yourself. You said it yourself…everything in its time. You are now the person who can deal with that…you have people in your life if you need them to help, completely up to you how you do it and how you need it to be done…but I for one will always be here if you need me. Even if I got on a plane tomorrow, I would still be there in any capacity you needed me. I know it is not same….but I promise it holds true. You have been really good to me.  Really, really good to me and I will quite honestly do what I can.”

S.H.

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That place

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Take me to that place, the one that only we know.

Where life is dreamy with early morning talks and tea.

Where we succumb to our vulnerabilities.

Where hearts are stuck and minds linger more than we want to admit.

Take me to that place where our feet are kissed gently and bodies caressed repeatedly.

Where we dance to the rhythmic sound.

Where our ignorance becomes pure ecstasy.

Take me to that place where the delicious scent is a tranquilizer.

Where it’s an unadulterated experience that we dare not resist.

Are you still with me…?

Take me to that place where our caged thoughts drift smoothly across the sky

Where our marathon life becomes tamed

Where we lose a sense of reality from gazing at the endless horizon.

Take me to that place where the music never ends.

Where waves lash against the powdery white sand and wash away fragmented memories

Where stunning turquoise water hugs our sore bones.

Take me to the place where we can drop the façade and be our authentic selves.

Where we are breathed back to life by every breath taken away.

Where the placid wind whispers sensuous comfort.

Where the addictive environment refreshes and renews us

Where the day ends leaving us happily intoxicated and free.

Let’s go to that place, a beautiful oasis in our calamities.

Let’s go.

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Here for you

 

 

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I know that you’re facing something very dark.

You need a break. You need time. You need to build a bridge.

Becoming better might include a roller coaster ride of emotions

This, I understand. 

Whatever it is, I will not judge you

Because my love for you comes without chains.

It is beyond my ability and experience to make it better.

Hence, in your mess and with this darkness latched onto you, I will be here.

I will be the shoulder to lay your head

The ear to listen

The laughter on the days that you struggle

The arms to wrap you in a warm embrace

The silence when you need it

The one to hold your hands and look into your eyes when you are scared.

That’s who I will be.

Life will pull you in many directions leaving you lost and confused

But I will be here at your side.

I will help to strengthen you.

I have seen you pick up yourself before.

I will remind of all the times when you successfully conquered

And the reasons why you need to continue to hold on.

Even in this chaos, you are amazingly strong in your own way.

I am with you today but when I am not here

And you think of me remember that it’s really me

Sending my love to you wherever I am.

As we walk through this, I will not love you any less.

I am here for you.

 

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The Onlooker

onlooker

Oh my! Today will be a great day. A unique beauty, you are.  Slouched, messy hair and oversized clothing; an unusual sight around here. You’re noticeably cozy in your solitude over there. Even with your posture and unkempt outlook, I can tell that you possess fortitude. I am gravitating toward you. Who are you?

At one moment, you’re twirling your hair and staring at something visible only to you. A stare so focused, you could burn right through me. Then, you’re fiddling with your pen, scribbling and scratching; such deep thoughts that your hand can’t seem to keep up with the pen.

Suddenly, disturbed by those scribbles, sadness blankets your face and tears begin to fall. Shortly after, the words become euphonious again and you smirk. You’re splitting your heart open in that book. Simple innocence and beauty are what you’re showing me. With pleasure, I wish to be that pen and know your words. You must be in your element because you’re blind to everything and everyone around you. If you allow me, I could share my deepest thoughts and fears with you. Would you write about them?

Still, inattentive to my existence, you are making my heart race. I begin to approach you and take five steps back. Instead of enabling, this nervousness is consuming all of me. I feel powerless; almost inadequate. Why are you messing with my mind?

You are an enchanting sight with beautiful brokenness. I haven’t seen anything more attractive in a long time. It is exhausting to simply stare at you. Your smirk is alluring but your presence scares me. My only prerogative is to run but you’re not someone I want to forget. This is a scare that I am willing to feel.

Please give me a glance.

With immense anxiety,

Onlooker.

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This thing called Grief

griefChallenges are blessings depending on one’s perception. They allow us to become wiser and improve who we are. There are specific challenges that take us onto unforeseen roads after we have experienced ‘loss’; a word I will use loosely. Some are fortunate to recover in a short time but there are those of us who take many months and even years to notice substantial changes.  Grief is mostly seen as an emotional struggle but like stress, it can become a physical problem. This thing called Grief has an immeasurable magnitude and the power to destroy.

Grief can be felt as an after-effect of many types of losses. Loss of loved ones, relationships, opportunities, hopes, and health. The most subtle loss can cause grief. Although it is an inescapable part of life, it is a unique struggle for everyone due to personality differences, lifestyles, social circles, beliefs and values, and coping skills. Nevertheless, it is a life-changer. Some recover in a few months or less. Some try to ignore and bury it without realizing its presence in their reactions to life. Then, there are those who unintentionally embark on one of the longest personal journeys, and dissolve in it for years; barely identifying themselves and yearning for freedom.

Grief targets every dimension of one’s life. It comprises of many types of emotions; disbelief, denial, regret, confusion, fear, anger, guilt, sadness, more anger, more sadness, and bitterness before stepping into the acceptance zone. When pains recur, we try to stifle them instead of feeling; and so, suppressed emotions continuously resurface from the smallest and most insignificant reminders. Tears come out of nowhere. They flow at unexpected times and lengths, making us question its source which we believe should have dried up. It could be the happiness day in a long time that suddenly changes by a little trigger. Grief robs us of time, energy, relationships, health, and happiness.

This first year of reliving special occasions in a different way seems to be the most difficult. We can hardly see past the overcast skies that follow us day after day. We wish to avoid dealing with emotions. We lose ourselves and place restrictions and timelines for the mess to end. The memories of the scarring incident stay on repeat mode for a long time. In the presence of others, the most difficult hours of grief is when we try to hide the tears that threaten to fall or when we smile and say “I’m okay” because we cannot prevent the tears from falling. Or maybe, we are the type to smile, laugh and pass on our bogus happiness while secretly hiding the pain that is only known to the Man above and the walls that we confine ourselves too.  During this phase, grief makes a monster out of us. We look for convenient distractions and allow ourselves to become self-destructive, inevitably hurting others. We further withdraw from things and people as we become numb; and so, this one pain begins to alert the many unresolved issues that have been buried in us.

We are given lots of remarks or advice that don’t work out as expected. People closest to us are reminded of their vulnerabilities when they look at us, making them angry and hurt because we are hurting. There is nothing they can truly do or say to permanently take away our ill feelings because words and love seem inadequate to fill the massive void.

Then, the worst ends and the happier days arrive. Our existence bounces from calm to overwhelming days. We begin to recognize the person in the mirror a little more. The random breakdowns that leave us gasping for breath decreases. Breathing and body functions begin to regulate.  At last, resurfacing lasts longer. The same wounds heal over and over because every step forward sends us back to the first step.

Next, emotions attached to our grief slowly begin to fade leaving us less exhausted, less afraid, less fragile, less empty and less angry. During this process, we rebuild ourselves by constantly finding new ways to cope and channel the pain into something valuable. We are able to see definite advancement in controlling our thought patterns and attain a sense of self-understanding. Finally, we can see and feel what healing really is in our mind and body. Good and bad memories that brought tears now gives us smiles and laughter. We find ourselves changed, loving more deeply, being more appreciative and paying more attention to the little things in life and the people who have been riding along.

As it runs its final course, we pinpoint past behaviors and darkness easily in others; a gift that allows us to be more compassionate towards them. You see, this thing called grief and the excruciating pain we experienced assists us to become better and more knowledgeable people. Therefore, we cannot underestimate how easy it is for people to find themselves ready to leap off a building, with a bottle of pills waiting to be gulped or researching the easiest and fastest way to have their last breath. We can never look at homeless people, addicts and those with disabilities and pass on the same judgments that we used too.

Grief is daunting, overwhelming and depressing. This transformative process can be such a long walk that appears never-ending because it must run its course to achieve healing. There is no right way to deal with it or control it, but we can find ways to make life more manageable.  We can either win or lose, there is no in-between. For the winners, it is a beautiful devastation. As a result, winners become improved people and more conscious of their capacity and strength. We own a personal story waiting to fall into the ears of those who need to hear it.

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It’s you

it's you

From the instant I laid my eyes on you, I was undeniably struck. There was something about you. Being in your presence makes me feel like I have known you for a long time. Not only do I feel comfort, but I also feel happiness. We must be old, familiar souls. That’s how I justified the earliest moments.
I think that you’re astonishing, compassionate and possibly the kindest person I have ever met. You radiate selflessness. You give to others and do things with so much thought and consideration but forget to include yourself. You wear your big heart on your sleeve; trusting with secret vulnerability. You allow people to show themselves over and over again for fear that you’re misjudging them. You try to look for the best even in the worst of them. I never understood why but it makes you happy.
I applaud your constant strive to improve and develop who you are. You are expressive and fierce with a painful attitude at times but that makes you, you. You demand your worth and have grown confidence and bravery that you aren’t aware of.
I adore your thirst for new experiences and knowledge. Adventures you like to call it. You have passion in your eyes and grace in your smile. You have fallen in love with life even while you fight your untold battles.
I have imprisoned myself in your insatiable curiosity, lust for life and the pleasure you find in the simplest things. You are fun and funny. Did I say that I love your smile and laughter? You are beautiful inside and outside. You don’t see what I do.  You, my dear, you inspire me to be a better person. You and your attributes light up my universe.

I want to give you what you have given to me.

Yours truly,

My heart is yours to keep.

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Under my skin

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I met a sophisticated woman. I don’t know if she was heaven or hell.  She sensed my hidden pain and was intrigued; as though, my darkness excited her. She was beauty, in heart, body, and thoughts. Behind her radiating smile, paralyzing stare, and wittiness, was strength and intelligence. The energy of her presence could have been comforting warmth or a raging fire. She was a strong one, attractively powerful and passionate but broken like me.

What a Queen!

She made me nervous with her charisma and confidence. She didn’t know my details but she knew enough; she paid attention to actions more than my words. Oddly, she was almost on point. This exotic woman came in like lightning with words and the harshness I felt enkindled me. I am uncertain if she brought forward the heat of anger or the heat of truth. How dare she say such words to me! Doesn’t she know who I am!

I considered her words.  Without my permission, she disrupted the silence in my days and nights. What if, there was very little accuracy in her words. Immediately, shut them out.

Again and again, I returned to this woman and her magnetism; although, we knew there would be anger. Each time, with no time to waste, she turned into soothing rain and pampered me with her wicked smile and delicious kisses. She set me ablaze and then embraced me. How dare she challenge the man I am!

What a Bitch!

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Dear Teacher

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Welcome to a new semester.

Behavior is a form of communication. Having a fair understanding of behavior is a significant coping skill in life and in any profession. In particular, classroom behavior can give you unspoken information about a child. As a student myself, people (and kids) do not always remember the academic teachings. Most definitely, they will remember how they felt in the classroom. They will remember the silly moments, smiles, laughter and positive and negative reinforcements. They will remember the way you carry yourself. They remember your facial expressions when your patience is tested and the way your face lights up when they display enthusiasm to learn. The energy you enter the classroom with sets the energy level for the class.

As you begin a new term, as you continue to teach, learn, grow and be challenged remember that you’re helping others build their future as you build your own.

– May you find the energy to entertain and grasp the attention of the most inattentive

– May you find the most patience and determination on gloomy days

– May you find love in each personality

– May you create ingenious ways to include fun and passion in each class as you inspire and cultivate originality and imagination

– May you spark an interest to learn.

– May your passions for life, passing on your knowledge, learning and self-development emanate as you stir hundreds of hearts knowingly and unknowingly.

Requirements for the new term: patience, confidence, organization, willingness to learn, willingness to be challenged, an open-mind, willingness to share infinite smiles, fun and laughter.

Have a great semester!

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Someone’s “Be patient with me”

 

Someone waltimeked in without warning, catching both your eyes and mind.

Someone walked in and started to help you to forget. Forget about the past hurts and about any fear you harbored since those relations.

Someone walked in and shook your ground, creating new memories. There was a connection, unexplained excitement and mystery. There was comfort in their presence and even more in their silence. Suddenly, you forgot why you were afraid in the first place.

Someone walked in and upset your routine. A dead part of your being was suddenly awakened by catalyzed your emotions.

Someone walked in and not only seized your attention but also captivated you with their thoughts, behaviors, beliefs and actions. One to one, in each other’s space, you saw behaviors and habits in its truest form; thus, allowing you to believe that maybe there is a possibility.

Someone walked in with reassuring words and hugs but said “Be patient with me, change doesn’t happen overnight.”

Someone walked into your life and your space, exciting you when it was convenient to them. You were taken to another realm and left there not once, not twice but too many times. Into your life with random visits and empty plans, followed by a disappearing act. Entering and exiting with the song “Be patient with me, change doesn’t happen overnight.”

Someone walked in with hot and cold behaviors setting off confusion, question marks and even a bit of hurt. You were reminded of the past that you did not want to re-live.

Someone walked in but did not communicate or make the necessary efforts to show that it was not a game. You were reminded that half-care and half of a person is not suitable because you love and care wholeheartedly. You were reminded that someone’s walls, confusion in their heart and brain, schedules, stresses and fears have nothing to do with you.

Someone walked in and weeks went by without an apology for their behavior. On a string you were left dangling. Left to question how you got entangled in the first place. Then, you were reminded that words can be sweet but actions are sweeter. You were reminded that you cannot force someone to be what you want. You were reminded of your progress before this magnetism act disturbed your flow. You were reminded that self-respect, self-love and self-worth all go hand in hand. You were reminded that you’re alone but not lonely. You were reminded to embrace the experience and accept the lessons to avoid repetition of your mistakes.

 Someone walked in and left you hanging onto “Be patient with me, change doesn’t happen overnight.” Half of a year went by. How long is “being patient”?

Someone walked in and the other walked out with “I had enough. I deserve better.”

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